Karen believes all traffic laws should be obeyed by all except herself

 “Have you ever been driven anywhere by Karen?”
“No, I haven’t,” my friend john answered and then added, “wait a minute. Yes, I have,” and he laughed, “up a wall. Yes, Karen has driven me up a wall on many occasions.”

“I’m being serious. Yes, I know she drives everyone up a wall, but I’m talking about in her car or any other vehicle, when she’s the driver.”
John thought for a second and then replied sarcastically, “I don’t know why I’m thinking. I know for a fact she hasn’t and I don’t think she ever will, after what I’ve heard about her driving skills or lack thereof.” John looked at me intently, “why are you asking the question?” He paused and then added, “don’t tell me you have.”

“Unfortunately, I have.”

“Poor you,” he laughed, “but the best part is you’re here, so you made it out alive.”
“I’m still shaking and my alcohol and cigarette consumption have shot up tremendously!”
“Oh dear,” John became serious for a minute. He pointed to a chair, “do sit down and tell me all.”

John sat down behind his desk and I sat down in the chair opposite him in his highly decorative office. I had gone to see him, because not only was John my best friend, but he was also my banker. I hadn’t chosen him because he was my best friend, but he was promoted to bank manager of the only bank in town.

I had gone to him on that day to ask for a loan because I wanted to open a foreign branch of my business. He had a lot more experience than me in doing business abroad. At one time, he was the CEO of Tokyo Bank and Lending in Singapore and then finally returned home because he didn’t like the food in the East. He much preferred the food made at the local Chinese restaurant, Woo Flung Dung, but that’s a story for another day. Let’s just say, that he felt that the Chinese food in Singapore was just too Chinese for his taste. Beef and Broccoli in the US was much better than Beef and Broccoli in Singapore, because they didn’t have Beef and Broccoli in Singapore. When he ordered it once, they brought him a cow and asked him to make it so they could learn from him.

Well, his reputation spread throughout the financial district in Singapore. People at first in dribs and drabs withdrew their money and then finally there was a rush on the bank because nobody wanted to deal with a bank where the CEO wanted Beef and Broccoli. Eventually, there was no money left in the bank and the board of directors fired him. He was very grateful and thanked them. He then left Singapore and came home.

“Theres no chance of getting Beef and Broccoli wrong here,” he told me and he has been very happy since then. We returned to our discussion of Karen and her driving.

“Does she bank with you?” I asked John as he told his assistant to bring us some green tea and fortune cookies.

“Yes, another thing they didn’t have over there,” he added as his assistant an ancient looking Chinese woman came in with green tea in bowls which she kept spilling on his Burmese rug, as she was unable to carry the bowls over because of her shaky hands, “yes they don’t have fortune cookies over there and boy I missed them,” he thanked Miss Wong for the tea. She then she returned to mop up the green the spots on the carpet, but he told her to come back later. “I quite like the design the tea spots made on the carpet,” he told her when he saw tears in her eyes, and then when she left he added, “I rescued her from the South China Sea. She was in a lifeboat with her dead family around her. I felt sorry for her and brought her with me.”
“Is she a good assistant?” I asked trying to figure out why he had brought her over.

“Oh no, she’s completely illiterate. Never went to school. Her parents didn’t believe that women should read or write and,” he laughed, “you know the type, pregnant and in the kitchen.”
“How many children does she have?”
“None,” John replied, “and she can’t cook!” He laughed loudly picking up the bowl of putrid green tea spilling some on the carpet.

I needed to get out of there as fast as possible, but not before applying for my loan. I wasn’t sure I was going to get it. “So,” he began once he had gulped down his putrid tea. “Where are you going to open a branch?”
“India,” I replied.

“Why India?” John looked puzzled.

“Because they have a vibrant economy and so many of my employees are from over there. So, I figured, if I opened a business there, they could all go back home and work there.”
“Good idea!”
“Plus,” I added spitting out the tea I had in my mouth making a face which made John smile. “I really couldn’t leave her in the boat, could I?”
“I guess not,” I replied, “but she didn’t have to be your secretary.”

“It was either that or be my wife. That’s what the label on her dress said. Available to be incompetent secretary or incompetent wife.”
“I guess you’re right. I don’t think Judith would’ve like that.”
“Or the kids,” he interrupted. “So, I hired her as my assistant.”
I became aware that we were drifting down another path, which could be saved for another day. I needed to get back to the office before they missed me. “How much are you looking for?” he asked.

“About Two Hundred Dollars,” I replied.

“That’s it?” he seemed amazed.

“Yes,” I said, “life is very cheap over there.”
“Plus they have bad drivers,” laughed John. “Oh boy they have bad drivers. Nobody stops at red lights or stays in their lane and if they kill someone then they are awarded a medal, one less mouth to feed.” He cleared his throat when he saw I was no longer joking.

I was serious about my business and India seemed like a logical place to open my first foreign branch. “But Two hundred Dollars,” he asked, “what’s that going to get you?”
“A month’s rent in an office on the tenth floor of a high rise, a secretary and then all the people from India who work for me over there.”
“All for two hundred Dollars?” He seemed stunned and then he cleared his throat again. I hated it when he did that. “And who’s going to run that office in India?”
“Karen,” I answered immediately.

“Karen!” he shouted getting up prompting his assistant to show herself at the door and he waved her away. He sat down again. “Karen?” he whispered loudly, “why Karen?”
“Well for one, she’ll fit right in there, especially on the roads. After all, Karen believes all traffic laws should be obeyed by all except herself and in India that doesn’t apply as she will soon find out.”
John laughed and then shouted, “Ding.”

His assistant appeared at the door and he gave her some instructions. She nodded and left. “Why didn’t you just ring a bell instead of saying Ding.”
“Because that’s her name,” he replied laughing loudly again.