Joe went running and never came home

“Where’s Joe?”

“Went running.”

“I thought he went running yesterday. Does he run every day?”

“No, only once in a while.”

Sam drew in a deep breath, “what are you trying to tell me?”

“That he hasn’t returned from his run.”

“The run from yesterday?”

“Yup. He headed down the road and disappeared.”

“Disappeared? How can he disappear?”

“Oh, that’s very simple. He began running and hasn’t been seen since.”

“Where does the road lead?”

“Belgium.”

“Belgium? Don’t be daft, Belgium is in Europe.”

“Yup,” replied John, “but there’s also one in California.”

“California! We’re in Pennsylvania. That’s like 3000 miles away.”

“3122,” replied John, “I looked it up.”

“Did he at least take lunch with him?”

“Not that I know of. I saw him leave. I was out in the garden watering the dog when he waved to me as he passed by my house.”

“What did he say?”

“I’m going for a run.”

“That’s it? Is that all he said, I’m going for a run?”

“Well, I asked him if he was coming back for dinner tonight, because he and Marjorie were coming over for wings and non alcoholic beer….”

“Non alcoholic beer! Do you really drink that stuff?”

“Nah, hate it! but Joe likes it.”

“Why not just drink coke?”

“You ask him.”

“I’ll make a note of that and ask him when he returns. But anyway, you asked if he was going to be back for dinner and what was his answer?”

“I’ll let you know at dinner time he replied. Where are you headed, I added?

“Belgium, he replied. But I told him that Belgium was in Europe. That’s when he told me there was one in California …. And well that’s when I looked it up. By the time I located it on the map he was way down the road, so I jumped into my car and drove down there.”

“Did you take your dog?”

“No way, she was dripping wet. Anyway, I caught up with him about 100 miles down the road.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. This is beginning to sound like a stupid story. A tall tale more like it. He can’t possible have run 100 miles in a couple of hours.”

“Oh no, it was more like a week.”

“A week? This is stupid.”

“A tall tale I thought you said.”

“Well ok, because he obviously wasn’t home for dinner. Or the next few. Why did you wait so long to catch up to him?”

“It took me that long to find Belgium, California on the map.”

“And did you?”

“Nope. That’s why I drove out there to tell him that.”

“And what did he say?”

“Now you tell me is what he said.”

“That’s a wacky answer.”

“Yes it was, because I never told him about Belgium in the first place, it was he who did.”

“And what did he say to that?”

“Well, he had to stop and take a sip of his non alcoholic beer and he said to me between sips. You asked me where I was going so I made it up.”

“What happened then?”

“I just wished him luck and turned the car around and drove home.”

“What did Lynn say when you returned?”

“Well, she was kind of confused because it took me 8 hours to drive out to find Joe.”

“Aren’t you glad he ran in a straight line otherwise you would never have found him.”

“He didn’t. He was going around in a circle, said he lost his way.”

“I think it’s time for me to leave,” replied John, “do you still have some of that non alcoholic beer left?”

“Nah, I gave it all to him and the rest I gave to the dog.”

“The dog?”

“Is that the reason he gave you as to why we weren’t invited to Clara’s birthday?”

“Yup,” replied Sam.

“But that’s stupid!” Emily wasn’t in any mood to hear her husband had been duped again. “Stupid yes,” replied Sam and before Emily could follow up on her last sentence, Sam added, “and no, I wasn’t duped.”

“Yes, you were. You’re always duped and especially by your friend John.”

“He’s not my friend,” retorted Sam, “he’s your friend.”

“He was,” replied an impatient Emily, “he’s your friend now.”

“But you’re the one who introduced me to him.”

“Yes I did. I admit I made a huge mistake but probably the only one in my life,” she hesitated for a second, “of course, unless you count agreeing to marry you as another. In fact, coming to think of it yes, I’ve made two huge mistakes in my life. The first was introducing you to John and the other, and I’m not sure which is bigger, agreeing to marry you.”

Sam dropped the axe he was carrying and screamed for a second as it landed on the big toe of his right foot. Emily just rolled her eyes. “Walk it off big baby. It’s not as if your foot will fall off.”

Yes, finally after 34 years of marriage, Sam understood when he knew he was beaten.

“But we have two beautiful children,” Sam wasn’t ready to let have Emily have the last word in that conversation.

“Beautiful yes they are, and they don’t look anything like you, so I could’ve had them with someone else.”

“Do you mean,” began Sam and then shut up quickly when he saw the look on her face. “Where’s your cell phone?” she asked.

“Oh, I must’ve left it at John’s,”

“Ha!” she replied, “see what I mean,” she paused for a second. “What would you do if I gave you the engagement ring back?”

“And keep the wedding ring?” he asked stunned.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you can have that too.”

Sam paused for a second, “probably sell them.”

“In which case I’ll keep them,” replied Emily slipping the rings back on her finger. She picked up her cell phone and dialled a number.

“Hi John, it’s Emily.”

“Yes,” he replied, “I know it’s you. I’ve known you most of my life so you don’t have to announce yourself.”

Emily rolled her eyes and mouthed the words why me.

“How can I help you?”

“Is Joe back yet?”

“Nope,” he replied, “still running to Belgium.” Emily didn’t believe a single word he said. She had plenty of reason to after all, he was her first boyfriend when they were in kindergarten, a traumatic experience she had never forgotten.

“Is that the reason why you didn’t have a party for him and invite us?”

“How could I? He wasn’t here.”

“But you went in search of him.”

“Yes I did, and I found him what else?”

“Nothing. Why didn’t you tell him to turn around?”

“What!” replied John animatedly, “and have him come home feeling defeated?”

“But what about Corrine?”

“What about her?”

“Doesn’t she want her husband back?”

“I don’t think so. He said the women in Belgium are better.”

“Has he reached Belgium then?”

“No,” replied John.

“Then how does he know?”

“Look Emily. I’ll give you his last coordinates and you can drive and see him and ask him.”

“Oh no, not me,” and then she stopped for a second and looked at her husband. “I’ll tell you what. Give the coordinates to me and I’ll give them to Sam.”

John let out a quick laugh. “So, he can go look for him?”

Emily smiled, Sam smiled thinking Emily was leaving home. “Going to Belgium, are we?” he asked his wife.

“Piss off,” she replied. “I’m sorry not you John, what were those numbers again.”